Twice this week I have felt under scrutiny and judgement for my disability. First in a blue badge parking space.....a random geezer walked passed when I was still in the car shaking his head saying "pretender" repeatedly as he walked past my car!..... I don't know for absolute certain that he was talking to me, but it seemed that way....but as I wasn't 100 percent sure, I let it go, but it left me feeling a bit rattled.
The second time really stung.....it was a colleague making a snide "throwaway" comment, intimating I was getting unfair priveleges at work because of my disability (which is nothing more than being given the sit-down job if there's one avaliable!).
It really makes me feel horrible to think that people are resenting these "priveleges ". These are the things that enable me to actually continue working and he made me feel like I'm playing the system. I felt like packing it all in with work today, for the first time....Even when my relapse was at its peak and I could barely walk at all, I never felt I should quit my job....That one crappy comment struck home with precision. It really got to me. It made me wonder how many of my other colleagues felt the same way....that I'm some kind of freeloader! Im really not! I work really hard, and often I dont even take teabreaks like everyone else because it means having to go upstairs, and It's not worth the bother. I'm sure its not many of them really think I'm playing the system, I'm sure most people get it, that I need a little bit of understanding and acceptance of the positive contribution I can still make, but he has casually sown that seed of doubt in my mind at a time when I'm kind of struggling with figuring out where and how I fit into the wider scheme of things.
Maybe I'm more fragile than usual, maybe I'm a bit menopausey!
Maybe he's a snide judgemental selfish git who only speaks for himself.
Maybe it's a combination of all of the above!
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