Thursday, 12 April 2012

Crying legs

For the last couple of weeks, my legs have been especially tired. They occasionally have slightly and randomly buckled under the weight of me standing on them. This is a little bit troubling, but I have had quite a busy couple of weeks, what with tons of gardening and the band's recent world-tour-in-a-weekend! (ok, Rhayader and Wrexham - but for us, 50 miles is a very long way for a gig!)

I've been having some peculiar sensations in my legs. When I put weight on my thighs, like when I get up from a chair or bend down to pick something up off the floor, I get an odd feeling which is very hard to explain, but I'll give it a go...they feel like they are going to either cry or puke! You know that horrible feeling when you are about to pass out/puke when you've had too much to drink and the world is spinning? Well, then transfer that whole body feeling to just your legs, and you get legs that feel like they are going to vomit/cry/collapse!

I have previously moaned about how difficult it is to verbalise symptoms, and I sometime hear myself in mid-description and I know I'm sounding like a nutter! But it is an interesting challenge, and it helps me to find ways of explaining "how I feel" when asked (though in all honesty I'm far more likely to smile and say "great!")....

now that leads me on to a micro-rant!......I follow a few Facebook groups for people with MS, and I do get a lot from it in terms of mutual support and advice etc. But something I don't really connect with is when people moan about being told "but you look so well!"....I don't get it! When I get told this it makes me feel good! If I must have a disabling condition, then I thank the universe that it is a subtle one. Not because of vanity, but because a) people treat disabled people like a different (slightly contagious)species, and b)it means I'm looking fit and healthy (ok that bit might be a little to do with vanity!)....

talking of vanity...I simply MUST declare to the world and record for posterity that I've dipped below 10 stone!...... 9 stone 11!! This time last year I was around 11.5 stone.
Actually, I'm far from being vainly proud of my new shape. I AM proud of sticking to my diet change, but I'm feeling a bit like a deflated balloon! I ain't no spring chicken, and things are little less springy than they may have been 20 years ago! So I'm feeling a bit like one of those puppies with an excess of skin here and there, but I guess it'll sort itself out, or stay saggy...whatever, I can live with that - it's a fair exchange for feeling lighter and fitter (even with my weeping legs!). But a part of me does miss the chunky, robust and bouncy version of me that I've left behind - she was a fine and feisty figure of a woman! But I'll do as I've always done and work with what I've got right now, and fly as best I can in this battered and weather-beaten old banger!


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