Tuesday, 8 February 2011

don't look at the mountains!

It has now been 17 days since I had this relapse, plenty of time to get to grips with all the nuances of this bout's symptoms. So, for the record, I'll recap on the status quo with my short-circuited body: from the hips down I am numb, and tingly, but at the same time my skin is hypersensitive to temperature and direct touch. My feet feel like lead balloons, and about twice as big as they should be, and my bum feels twice the size it really is. I have been feeling quite emotional and tired too, but that could be the drugs.
Talking of the drugs..I went to see the GP to stamp my heavy feet and make a fuss about getting to see a neurologist/MS nurse (ended up bursting into tears in her office! - bloody girl that I am!). She was appalled that I had fallen through the net and said to leave it with her (a phrase that, in the NHS, I believe means they are about to file your notes in the bin!). She also prescribed me some kick-ass tablets to make my legs ache less ("Baclofen"). There are quite a few side effects stated on the leaflet, including tiredness, depression, hallucinations and, best of all, overexcitedness! I have no idea if I've had any of these, though I did have a strong urge a few days ago to run on the spot (overexcited?).
I wish I had recorded the last relapse in as much detail as this, it would have helped now to guage if this one is worse. I can hardly remember how it really was now, but I have a feeling this is a more severe relapse, but it might just be that the last relapse was during the university summer break, so I wasn't having to work through it.
The work thing is really taking it out of me this time, and I have had to turn down some jobs
(as a disability support worker) due to mobility issues (like not standing a chance of getting across campus in 10 minutes at the moment)! Sitting down for one or two hours at a time is also quite painful for my poor fuzzy bum. It crossed my mind for the first time recently that there may come a time that I will have to give the job up if my symptoms become more full-on than they are now. But it's not a thought to dwell on...
This is something I have resolved to do: I will not linger in the realm of "what may happen", the most positive way to deal with this is to take each day as it comes. That is quite enough to manage in one lump! I'm not sticking my head back into the sand; I am still educating myself about my disease, but I will not let the shadow of fear hang over me. It is a rocky enough path as it is without looking at the mountains on the horizon!
I am wondering if I might be starting to get a little better...I noticed a new sensation last night, the backs of my legs feel wet! They aren't wet (I have to keep checking!), but hopefully its a sign that my neurons are starting to reboot....we'll see!


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