Sunday, 27 February 2011

use a stick when your spider-legs feel sick

So I'm now coming up for two months since the beginning of the current relapse, and things are still not back to normal. My legs are less uncomfortable now, but overall I would say they feel weak, wobbly and tired. When I wake up, and in the evenings, or when I've been over doing things, my legs start to feel tight (my "invisible stockings" go back on!), and sometimes they feel sick! - that's a tricky one to explain, but imagine the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach just before you're sick? well that's how it feels in my legs! Sometimes, when the invisible stockings have done their worst, my legs just want to curl up under me and it brings to mind how the legs of a dead spider curl up; but spider-legs don't give such an attractive and upbeat spin on things as invisible stockings, so 'll just leave that one right there!
I have recently bought myself a stick to help me keep my balance, as I continue to walk like a drunkard. It's quite odd. It feels a bit like coming out! Suddenly people are aware that something is going on with my legs, and it's led to many conversations..I don't mean to be churlish, I know it's cos they care, but sometimes I don't feel much like going over it again. But talking to people about it is better than getting the sad, sympathetic smile from people...that just pisses me off!
I think I'm getting my own head round things more now. I know that I resisted using a stick for too long because I was in denial about needing one, and it felt like a big thing to actually be seen using one. I think it was an important part of my acceptance of the MS. To recognise that my mobility is impaired and rather than seeing it as accepting defeat, seeing it as taking a positive approach to dealing with the challenges my body throws at me.
I am going to have a medicine holiday on Tuesday, for two days. I'm on prescription anti-spaz tabs which run out on Tuesday, but I next have a docs appointment on Thursday, so I'll go cold turkey for a couple of days to guage where my body is at when left to fend for will be interesting if only to see how effective the anti-spaz tabs actually are, as when I first went on them I had only been relapsed for a week and the full tidal wave hadn't really hit me yet.


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